


Capitalism and its Corruption Dance

by pizzaeater



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Black Plague, Bombs, Cosplay, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Other, Political References, Rats, Vore, Watersports, egg voring, misinterpreted propositions, peeing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-20 07:31:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19372111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pizzaeater/pseuds/pizzaeater
Summary: a oneshot in which Gamzee desires a Vriska cosplay, for he is kin with Vriska. However, Jane goes undercover and takes over Vriska's pesterchum. She sets out for Gamzee's assistance, but how could an anarcho-commie help a capitalist?





	Capitalism and its Corruption Dance

It was Friday, August 15th, and Gamzee Makara had a growing urge to cosplay Vriska Serket. It formed in his head and spread throughout his entire body. See, Gamzee was Vriskakin to the core; Vriska was his selfhood. Now was the time for validation from his loving fans on his cosplay instagram account. Although his following was a mere 542, he was set on cosplaying the Thief of Light. 

So he opened his husk-top and looked up Vriska Cosplay. He didn’t bother to look up grey sweater, black t-shirt, or black wig. There was no time for diddle-daddling on this ripe morning. There was no time for crafts. To pop out the hot-glue gun and eat all the glue and say, aw man, I ate all the glue again. Fuck, Gamzee just needed a Vriska cosplay. He looked it up into ebay, and then amazon, and then ebay again because he forgot what the results were. Coming up with nothing, Gamzee fell into his chair with a slump. Oh, the horror of not being able to cosplay Vriska Serket. 

“Wait.” He thought to himself. He opened up pesterchum while cracking his long bony yaoi fingers, popping them with ease. 

TC: wHaT tHe FuCk Is Up SeRkBiTcH???  
AG: ayo whats up what u need bro  
TC: aWwW sHiT yOu DoN’t TaLk LiKe ThAt…..SoMeThInG gOiNg ThE mOtHeRfUcK oN?  
AG: No you stupid whore. This isn’t vriska. This is Jane. 

Gamzee had to take a step back. Jane was his bestie from the 7th grade. They always played video games together but once 8th grade began, she was corrupted by the cruelty of capitalism. 

TC: aHaHaHa WhY yOu Up AnD tAlKiNg LiKe ThAt BiTcH dAvE ThEn?  
AG: I was in a sting operation practicing texting to the best of my abilities you fucking bafoon. Grow some braincells why don’t you, you fucking rat goblin bastard man.  
TC: LaSt I cHeCkEd I wAs A cLoWn! HoNk :o)  
AG: HAHDHSA shut the fuck up. I still haven’t explain why exactly I was in the operation. Jake rung me up and said he was balls deep into anarcho-communism and you KNOW I had to get him out of that. I killed him Gamzee. I don’t know what to do.  
TC: mOtHeRfUcKiN FUCK THAT.  
TC: you think i’m gonna help you out with something you caused?  
TC: WELL TOO MOTHER FUCKING BAD.  
TC: capitalism isn’t as bad as the centrist scum.  
TC: BUT TO KILL SOMEONE FOR UP AND BEING MOTHER FUCKING ANARCHO COMMUNIST?  
TC: it’s the best ideology, capitalist scum.  
TC: HONK :o) 

Gamzee knew exactly what he needed to do. He needed to start the Black Plague. But how? Ideas churned in his head like the butter he churned on his old farm. Bingo, he thought. Eggs. The eggs he sold and made a fortune off of. He needed MONEY. 

Dashing down the roads of his old town in Michigan, he ran up to his hold chicken coop and scooped up some eggs. He didn’t care if they were fertilized or not. The ones with chickens growing would have more meat on them. “Mother fucking perfect,” he procalimed as he dashed down to his local Good Will. He entered the store and walked up to the man at the cash register. “Mother fuckers right here be up and needin a home. A place to crash until they hatch, or don’t, we’ll have to mother fuckin see. Just don’t eat em, okay?” He said to the store clerk. 

“Of course,” he replied and shoved them all down his throat. “MOTHER FUCKER,” Gamzee exclaimed. He lurched over the desk and pried the clerks mouth open, but to no avail. They had already began to digest. 

“Guess I’m gonna have to do this the Hard Way,” he thought sinister-like as he bashed in the cash register and grabbed every five dollar bill he could get his grimy hands on. “Fucking POG,” he yelled as he ran down back to his home in which his husk-top resided. 

TC: JANE. GUESS THE MOTHER FUCK WHAT.  
TC: jane.  
TC: MY MAIN MOTHER FUCKIN HO.  
TC: jane?  
TC: WHERE THE MOTHER FUCK ARE YOU?  
TC: :o(  
AG: oops sorry lol im tryna make a nice looking carrd for my kinnie acc  
TC: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MOTHER FUCKING MEANS :o(  
TC: I guess I’ll call up Karkat :o) 

Gamzee admired the money in his ugly yaoi hands and called up his best friend Karkat. “SET THE RATS LOOSE,” he yelled into the phone. 

“YOU GOT IT, GAMZEE.” Karkat replied as he pounded the big red button on his desk. He entered in Jane’s coordinates and set the bombs loose, running through the sky and swooping down to her house. Upon contact, Rats released from the bombs. No explosion, just Rats. They scurried around her house and bit her, ate her food, and it Happened. The Black Plague started in her house, and then her city, her state. Soon the entirety of the United States was infected. 

TC: HAPPY NOW MOTHER FUCKER?  
TC: taste what it’s like to be hurt from the outside in.  
TC HONK :o)  
AG: sht the fuckk up ahghanskfjf its fine  
AG: i lvoe my littler ates.rats. Were...spreading  
AG: whath the Fuck Is That 

Jake was holding a bat towards Jane’s head. He swung it up over himself and let it crash down on top of her, her skull breaking open with ease. Jane died. 

TC: jane. where’d you go? :o(  
AG: Ah, sorry! It’s jake! Just came back from the dead feeling bodacious and chipper. A man’s gotta beat a capitalist’s head in! You know how it is, wouldn’t you sir?”  
TC: SiR? wHy ThE mOtHeRfUcK aRe YoU cAlLiNg Me ThAt?  
AG: Youve been the communist role model weve been following for ages. Well, all of us died because of the plague here, except me of course being trapped in the old fridge and all.  
AG: All I’m saying is, i think i love you.  
TC: fUuUuUuUuUcK……. 

Gamzee knew exactly what he had to do. He ran to the airport, got on a plane, but SHIT he couldn’t go to the US! They closed the borders. He needed a new plan. He took some crack and he got it. He opened up his husk-top and located Eridan’s handle. 

CA: wwhat is it clown  
TC: mY mOtHeRfUcKiNg *MaN*  
TC: i GoT a FaVoR i NeEd To AsK  
TC: wOuLd iT bE aLl Up AnD cHiLl If YoU tOoK mE aCrOsS tHe OcEaN  
CA: wwhat the fuck  
CA: are you sayin you wwant to ride me  
TC: yEs BrO  
TC: lEt’S gO oN a JoUrNeY tOgEtHeR  
TC: iT’lL bE aLl KiNdS oF wIcKeD  
TC: hOnK :o)  
CA: sounds fantastic  
CA: i nevver expected you to be the one to ask  
CA: an honestly im not as thrilled as i wwould be wwith some others  
CA: its ok though wwhere do you wwanna meet up  
TC: bY tHe MoThErFuCkInG oCeAn BrO!  
CA: alright then see you there 

Eridan was happy because he thought he would be riding Gamzee. However, to his dismay, when he reached the beach covered in warmth by the wonderful sunset, Gamzee was not ready to be ridden. Well, to Gamzee he was, because he had his trunks and a backpack on. Eridan, on the other hand, was in a robe, like Lanke Bomb from Hiveswap when things got weird or whatever. Hiveswap sucks. 

“Gamz wwhat the fuck are you wwearin,” Eridan inquired looking at the clown in front of him up and down. Gamzee looked confused. 

“C’mon motherfucker, sun won’t be up forever.” He moved himself towards Eridan and got on his shoulders. “Let’s go bro!!! Honk!” Everything clicked in Eridan’s head and his face looked all grumpy-like. He moved into the water and swam towards the US. 

Meanwhile in North Carolina, Jake was waiting on the beach. He couldn’t wait to see Gamzee and talk to him and see him right in front of himself. He wanted to touch the Clown’s makeup and see what it was like.

Halfway into Eridan and Gamzee’s expedition, Eridan began to grow tired. “Gamz,” he started. “I don’t think I can take this vvery longer,” And Eridan died on the spot. He sunk to the ocean floor, and Gamzee swam after him, trying his best to reach him so that he could revive him with a kiss. Alas, Gamzee needed air and went back up to the top. He had to swim himself. 

Gamzee had finally pulled his aching body ashore. He limped up the sandy beach and saw Jake lying on the sand, a red liquid staining the tiny rocks around him. “Huh?” Gamzee thought as he walked up a little closer. Upon seeing the man below him, he realized he was dead. The red around him was blood. Tears welled up in Gamzee’s lidded eyes and he fell to his knees, grabbing Jake in his arms. He held him there when he felt something pierce his back. Vriska. 

“Hi!!!!!!!! I heard you wanted to cosplay me!” She said, a good length away from the crying clown. The spear in Gamzee’s back had started to take affect and everything around him multiplied and divided, switching and moving themselves for no reason. He saw dots, specks, and they crowded his vision until all he saw was nothing. He fell to the sand and went unconscious.

 

“Psst, Gamzee?” Rose said as she poked his nose. She chuckled to herself, imagining it honking. Gamzee blinked slowly and raised himself with his elbows. “Huh?” He asked, a confused look on his face. 

“Shh, lie down,” Rose whispered as she patted the Clown’s head. He laid down his body to sink into the hospital bed. “It’s alright. We turned the US into a socialist country, which is one step closer to anarcho-communism.” She smiled as she relayed the information the the troll below her and a small honk escaped him. “Bernie Sanders is the president. While you were in your coma, we obliterated the plague and formed a new society of humans. We managed to eradicate the republican party onto an island in Hawaii, and we told them they would be having a nice long vacation.” 

Gamzee’s attention was piqued when he heard the words Bernie Sander and President. Bernie Sanders winning the election? Now he had seen everything.  
He unplugged the cord taped to his arm with great force and ran to the White House. His mind was racing and his face was flushed. He had always been so in love with Bernie. 

He ran to him with joy and pushed the door open to his office. “Bernie…” he said as he looked at the man in the eye. “I….Can’t believe you’re finally the motherfucking President…” Tears worked themselves up in his eyes again and he ran towards Bernie and hugged him. He hugged back, but it was reluctant. 

“I appreciate it,” Sanders started. “However...my passions for people lie elsewhere.” He motioned towards the man hiding under his desk. “This man right here is a choice snatch and he respects women. It’s more than I could ever ask for.” He released Gamzee from his hold and hugged Dad Egbert. 

No. Not again. The truth washed over Gamzee like a wave and this time he would do something about it. 

First, he pissed. He pissed right into his cupped hands and drank it straight down. He drank some more, and once his thirst for the Golden Nectar was quenched, he rose up his fist in the air. He slammed it down towards the floor and the world broke in two, shattering beneath his crocs. 

The world tore apart. People died and wept as the watched the ground break into new pieces. The sky turned black and the stars could be seen. Anarcho-communism covered the world like a blanket. Gamzee was so content with his work that he laid on the floor, resting his arms across his stomach. “Goodnite,” he said. “I’m going to bed.” Black covered the world. Eternal night. 

Sweet dreams, little clown.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this when i was really tired and then the next morning! it was fun, 6 keks


End file.
